The man tasked with taking over the SEC’s worst program was the biggest hit this week, and I don’t think anyone will top him. New Vanderbilt coach Robbie Caldwell ripped away Steve Spurrier‘s claim on the Most Quotable Coach award, and while that won’t win him any games, it sure makes the lowly Commodores more fun to write about.

I’ll have a story on Caldwell for tomorrow’s Daily Journal, but let’s pull out some of his gems from today. If you want, you can read the entire press conference transcript, where you’ll learn everything you’ve ever wanted to know about turkey insemination. Man, I wish MSU played Vandy this year.

• “I told my wife, if it’s two days or 20 years, I will now be able to say, ‘Hey, I was a head coach one time,’ other than in 1977 when I was head baseball coach (at Hanahan, S.C., High School). We were pretty good, by the way. We were 14-2, had a chance, made the state playoffs.”

• “This is the greatest thrill of my life other than my child being born.”

• “I can still walk in places and nobody knows me. Last night I was opening the door for people and they gave me a tip. I thought, hey, that’s great. How can you get it any better than that?”

• On his predecessor Bobby Johnson‘s no-profanity policy: "You know, I’m no angel, that’s for certain. We certainly do try to live by that. But, you know, it’s just a sign of limited vocabulary sometimes. I know y’all can’t tell it, but I do have an education."

• On growing up in Pageland, S.C.: “You had to like watermelon, number one, because it was the watermelon capital of the word, we proclaimed anyway. You had to like hunting and fishing. Frog gigging. I was scared to death of girls, so that didn’t interest me. And I played ball. We played all sports to get out of work. That was the policy.”

Caldwell could strike a serious tone, too. When asked about recruit Rajaan Bennett‘s death, he said, "I can’t tell you about it because I get too emotional." He also spoke reverently of mentor Dick Sheridan, his former boss at Furman. “He said how proud he was, of course. It was a very emotional moment. You know how that is. He’s like a second dad to me.”

• BASEBALL INSPIRES SPURRIER: South Carolina’s Spurrier was still a joy to listen to, as always. He talked a lot about getting the Gamecocks over the seven-win hump (they were 7-6 last year, have reached eight wins just once, and are 35-28 in Spurrier’s five seasons there).

He is taking inspiration from South Carolina’s baseball team, which won the College World Series title this year.

“Our baseball team certainly proved you can win a big championship at the University of South Carolina. So hopefully we believe that will rub off on the other sports, and we’re the next one up. So hopefully we can take a cue from those guys and have a good run as we go through the season.”

Spurrier has mellowed in recent years. A lack of wins will do that, and he’s a realistic guy.

“Until we prove we can play on a consistent basis, we just got hope. We got to go earn our way to believing that we can be a top SEC team.”

• MALLETT’S ‘FAMILY ARM’: While not nearly as funny as Caldwell, Arkansas QB Ryan Mallett was much more entertaining than his coach, Bobby Petrino, who I won’t even bother quoting becau……. Sorry, dozed off just thinking about it.

Anyway, Mallett gave smart, informative answers, even to dumb questions. One “journalist” asked him when he realized he had such a strong arm.

“I’ve always had a pretty strong arm since I was little. Some people call it the Mallett arm, the family arm.”

What, do they pass it down from one generation to the next like a wedding ring? Anyway, Mallett also joked that he had been swimming so much while rehabbing a broken foot that he’ll try out for the 2014 Olympic team. The Heisman contender says he’s healthy and should be full go come August camp.

“I’m not conditioning running yet. But the first day at camp, I’ll be out there with cleats on, pads on.”

• HOT SEAT? WHAT HOT SEAT? Georgia coach Mark Richt was asked about being on the proverbial hot seat. A lot of people think anything short of a BCS bowl could put his job in jeopardy. Ever cool, Richt answered thusly:

“I understand the business. I understand just how things go. So I don’t worry about it. My goal is to focus on the important things and the things I can control. I can control my attitude. I can control my effort. I can control, you know, certain things. That’s what I focus on. Then the things I can’t control, I just trust the Lord with that.”

And with that, I’m calling it a wrap for Day 2. Tomorrow, we’ll hear from coaches and players from Auburn, Tennessee, LSU and Ole Miss.